Herbal Tea or Raven's Bad Day
by Blackgryphon21
Summary: Began as a method to get material for a sequel to 'Guilty Hearts', isn't anymore. A bit of silliness that I have no idea how to describe, but look in the author's notes for an explanation.


Disclaimer: I own no one in this story. All characters are property of Warner Bros. and DC Comics.  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, here's what happened: Every now and then, when my Muse is lost in the ductwork, I do something like this. What it is, is I don't sleep for about 28 hours and sit in front of the keyboard in a near comatose state, then my subconscious comes out to play. I have little to no recollection of these times, so when I return I always ask myself 'What the heck was I on?'  
I think I may have been listening to the song 'Third Rock from the Sun', but I'm not sure. The grammar is sub-par, there is shameless stealing from Terry Pratchet and Betrayal at Krondor, and when it seems chopped off, it is: I gleaned the better material to make a sequel to 'Guilty Hearts'. These are the dregs, plain and simple. Hope you enjoy.  
  
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Herbal Tea  
Or  
Raven's Bad Day  
  
"Wakey, wakey, tofu eggs and bacey!" Beast Boy chimed as Raven walked into the living area of the tower. She groaned as he said it, it was far too early for this kind of thing. Midnight was too early, to be blunt.  
"Man, why you got to go and push that stuff every morning?" Cyborg asked, not really coming to her rescue, just continuing an old argument.  
"There's nothing wrong with tofu!" Beast boy cried out at the much larger Titan.  
Cyborg snorted, "Yes there is: Its tofu, that's all there is to it." He said, sounding smug. This argument happened every day at breakfast, an never actually ended. Cyborg and Beast Boy argued while Starfire and Robin sat in a corner watching. Somehow, Raven usually ended up in the middle.  
Today was no different. "Fine, we'll do it this way." Beast Boy smiled ingratiatingly at Raven. "Which would you like? My beautifully delicious tofu ensemble?" His voice got an edge to it. "Or Cyborg's cruelty- to-animals-o-rama breakfast?" He finished off with his widest, most annoying smile.  
Cyborg was fuming, "Hey, that's not fair. Mine's just as."  
Raven cut him off, "Herbal Tea." She said firmly.  
Cyborg shook his head, "Girl, why you got to be going on about that stuff all the time?"  
Beast Boy shrugged, "Actually, its pretty good. I tried some this morning." When he said that Raven's eyebrow twitched slightly, but no one noticed.  
"Like I'm gonna take your advice on anything even remotely food- like." Cyborg said, throwing up his arms in frustration.  
"You drank my tea?" Raven asked, looking quite annoyed.  
Neither were paying attention, off in the corner Starfire and Robin were slowly edging towards the door. "Oh, so all your ideas are brilliant? As if." Beast Boy retorted.  
"You drank my tea?" Raven said again, much louder. This time everyone noticed. She looked like she was about to get angry; the Raven equivalent to critical mass.  
Everyone's eyes turned to Beast Boy, and he wished he wasn't him. "Y- yeah," He said carefully, "What's the big deal?"  
"There was only one bag left." She said, she sounded quite irked, but everyone in the room knew better and were prepared to bolt. "You didn't notice?"  
"Sorry, Raven, I didn't." He said honestly.  
Raven exhaled slowly, Beast Boy may be an inconsiderate moron, but he was no liar. She took a deep breath and let it out again. "Okay." She said after a moment, "I just need to go to the mall and get some more." She reasoned, no really speaking to anyone.  
"Wonderful!" Starfire said, clasping her hands together gleefully, "Robin and I were in discussions as to going there today. Now we may all go and perhaps finally experience this 'hanging out' I have heard so much about!"  
Robin actually felt the hair on his neck rise and his pupils contract. He loved Starfire, hell, he'd die for the girl, but somehow dying because of her didn't feel quite as noble.  
Raven surprised, and relieved, everyone by saying, "Sure, why not." She said it with a dismissive tone of voice, but, like most subtle parts of speech, this was lost on Starfire.  
Starfire beamed, "Really? Oh, this will be a wonderful day! Plus, were we to leave within the hour, we might experience two full hours of the 'hanging out' before we must stop for lunch."  
Starfire grinned happily. Raven blinked. Everyone else stared, waiting for the other shoe. "Okay. Just let me get a shower first." Raven said, and walked out of the room toward one of the bathrooms.  
Starfire nodded, "An excellent suggestion. I believe I will as well." She left soon after, heading for another bathroom.  
In the kitchen, the three boys were still exactly as they had been during the conversation. Slowly, as though afraid the earth would break if he moved to quickly, Robin sank into a chair. Across the kitchen Cyborg leaned hard against a counter and Beast Boy simply flopped back onto the floor.  
"Man." The green boy said, "I thought we were gonna die." Beast Boy missed the obvious sometimes, but he let you know when he didn't.  
  
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Raven's plan had been to get to the store that sold her favorite tea, then slip away. That had been three hours ago. More to the point, that had been before Starfire had found a pet shop.  
"How cute!" Starfire almost squealed when a puppy licked at her face. "What is this animal called, Robin?"  
"It's a puppy, Star." Robin said. He was standing behind her, obviously reveling in the radiant joy from the redhead.  
She looked back and forth between the animal in her arms, a German shepherd pup, and a Chihuahua. She looked up at him from where she was kneeling, "But that is what you said of the previous animal." Raven rolled her eyes, Starfire was confused again.  
Robin began a long and, if you had absolutely no previous knowledge on the subject (which Starfire didn't), informative explanation about the different breeds of dog.  
Raven was leaning against a wall. This had been going on for an hour. Starfire playing with the animals, and Robin happily explaining whatever she didn't understand. In her opinion, they were both too easily amused.  
That was too nice a statement for the other two. Beast Boy had spent most of the time here impersonating fish. Which, admittedly, was a little more impressive than a normal person doing them: He actually transformed his head to do it. Cyborg was watching him and had been since he had started.  
Raven was bored. Much more of this and she would start poking that mean parrot in the back again. "Starfire," She groaned. The redhead looked up at her as though she had forgotten that she was there, which she had, "We've been here forever. Beast Boy's done the bottom feeder thirteen times now. Besides," She said, looking at her watch, "It's past noon, how about we get some lunch?"  
Starfire reluctantly put the puppy down, "You are right, Raven." She said, slightly disappointed. A quick pat to the yipping dog's head and she stood up. "Let us go."  
Cyborg suddenly appeared between them, "Alright! Food!" And was gone again, Beast Boy following close at his heels.  
Starfire followed them out leaving Robin and Raven alone for a moment. Robin shot a look at the dark girl as though to say: 'I understand, but did you have to?'  
Raven answered by shrugging with her eyebrows, 'Sorry, but this had been going on for far too long. Besides, I am hungry. I'll make it up to you.' It was a very succinct movement.  
  
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They had eaten. Raven had always liked the idea of a food court, it let everyone get what they wanted. Starfire still had trouble with menus and in the end had, once again, ordered a pizza with mint frosting. The trouble with that was that it turned out to be really good.  
Lunch was over now, and they were faced with a new challenge: Three boys, two girls, and a movie theater playing a romantic movie and the new action hit.  
Thankfully, Raven was not the one in the middle this time. This time, it was Robin. Raven had voted for the romantic movie simply because she refused to pay to see countless people being shot for no apparent reason, not that she intended to stay to see either. Robin, on the other hand wanted to vote to see the romantic one as well because Starfire wanted to see it, but knew he wouldn't live it down if he did.  
In the end Raven saved him, "Didn't you two say something about a new 'Mega Buster?' game in this arcade the other day?"  
Cyborg's eye nearly popped from it's socket. "Oh my God, I forgot! Mega Blaster 3 is out!"  
Cyborg and Beast Boy clasped hands, "The one where the alien hordes look like mutant wombats?" The smaller boy asked.  
"You know it!" The two looked at the others, "Well, uh, gotta run." The two were off like a shot.  
Starfire blinked, Robin grinned and Raven said, "You two enjoy, I'll meet you back home." She walked away.  
"Robin, what has just happened?" Starfire asked.  
"Nothing much, want to see that movie?"  
"Mm-hmm." Starfire nodded happily.  
  
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Raven wasn't happy, not that she was ever really happy, but now she was actively not happy. The store where she bought her tea was out of stock. On the plus side, the man there had given her the address of someone else who carried it. The other store was only four blocks from the mall, but it was in a part of the city no one really cared about and was very run-down and largely abandoned.  
Translation: It wasn't a wise place for a fifteen year old girl who was wearing what looked like gemstones on her belt to be walking alone.  
Raven was also aware that most people who might attack her, would probably also not recognize her. With her hood down, she looked like one of any number of eccentric Goth girls, which was exactly what the mugger thought when he came at her, knife drawn.  
"Hey there, little girl," the gruff, but not really threatening looking man said as he stepped from an alley. "It's not safe for someone like you in this part of town. If you give me all your money, I may just be kind enough to walk you home."  
Raven sighed, "Azarath Metreon Zinthos." She said, rather dejectedly.  
  
The mugger cocked an eyebrow, "Wha. . . ?" Was all he said as a brick from a nearby building flew into the back of his head. The man's eyes went blank and two brick halves flew off, one making a loud 'Clang' as it hit something else.  
Raven didn't really think much more about it until the strange, loud squeal of twisting metal came from behind her. She watched as a decades old streetlight, battered from years of vandals' amusement and sporting a chunk of brick, began to fall over. In and of itself, this wasn't that big a deal, right up until its light-bearing arm smashed through a manhole cover and into the electrical lines under the streets. Two separate power grids met for the briefest moment with what sounded like a small war, then stopped as both grids were blown out. All around her, Raven saw everything that required electricity stop working and a small fire poked up out of the hole made by the light.  
"Oops." She said, looking around sheepishly to see if anyone had seen her, then walked quickly towards the store  
  
******************************************************** .  
In the local prison the equipment required to hold Cinderblock stopped working. Moments later a large hole was in the wall of the building.  
  
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Beast Boy was nervous, five more ships and Cyborg would beat his record. Three ships, two ships, one more and. . . everything went dark.  
There were no windows in the mall, so the only light was the pale bluish glow that Cyborg made. "Don't you grin at me, BB." The large, young man said, "I don't need to see you to know that you're grinning. So you'd better stop right now, 'cause it ain't funny"  
Beast Boy couldn't stand it and burst out laughing, rolling on the floor.  
"Oh, that's it! You're going down little man." Thirty seconds later a large robotic teenager could be seen chasing what looked like a green rabbit out of the mall.  
  
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Starfire held her breath as the leading lady leaned in for a kiss. The lights went out and Starfire groaned in disappointment.  
"That's odd." She heard Robin say beside her, but she couldn't see him "Star, could you get us some light?"  
She thought about it, "Robin, I have heard on your Television that a movie theater that has been 'darkened' is a romantic location." She gave in to spontaneity, "Such as 'kissing' and the holding of hands." She leaned over, reached for his hand and kissed him.  
"Star." Robin said as the kiss broke, she could feel the embarrassed heat from his face. "That's not my hand."  
  
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Cyborg and Beast Boy had run about two blocks when they came across Cinderblock. He had long since ceased to be any real threat: He was strong, but not really very smart. Were the fight a chess match, it was over in two moves.  
As a ram, Beast Boy knocked the ceramic man into a rather handy ten foot wall. As soon as his partner was clear, Cyborg fired his sonic cannon into their enemy. Set to its highest output, it blasted Cinderblock through the wall, and through about a dozen behind it.  
"Yeah!" Cyborg grinned with pride and satisfaction.  
"Dude!" Came Beast Boy's exasperated voice. "You just blew up the zoo!"  
Cyborg blinked at his friend, "Say what?" Beast Boy was about say something when a zebra, two ostriches and a gorilla ran past them.  
  
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Starfire and Robin eventually left the theater, only to find that the population of the mall have decided to take the lack of security devices as a sign to start looting. Without a word between them, the two began to round up all the offenders and merchandise they could.  
Robin began at an electronics store where six men ran with their arms full. He threw his pole at one, kicked down three more before hitting the ground and tackled a fifth, but the last man got out the mall doors with what looked like a very small VCR before he could stop him. Robin was about to give chase when the store clerk called out. "Don't worry, let him go." Robin couldn't believe it. He turned to the clerk and found a middle aged man, "Why not?"  
The man shrugged, "It's just an old Beta."  
Robin blinked, "What's a Beta?"  
"Exactly."  
********************************************************  
  
Raven saw the store a little ways down the street. There were some pylons on the road in front of it and it was lit by candles. She was almost at the door when a guttural noise called her attention.  
Raven didn't wait to find out why a 500-pound gorilla was coming down the street at her, she simply opened the shop door and slammed it shut behind her.  
"Ah," Said a voice behind her as she was looking out the store window to make sure the primate had moved on. She turned around to see an old man behind the counter. At a guess, she'd say this was an herbalist shop, or someone who had decided to dry every type of leaf in existence in hopes of selling them, it was hard to tell. "You are here at last."  
She might have expected that kind of speech from an old, wizened, asian wise man, but not a rather plump, caucasian, old-timer.  
"Yeah. . ." She said slowly, "I'm here to get some tea." She gave told him the type she liked and he nodded.  
"I do carry that here, but I cannot sell it to you until you have passed a test."  
"You're kidding."  
He gravely shook his head, "No, but it is a mere riddle." He put on an air of importance, or had gas, it was really had to tell. "Ten men's length, ten men's strength, one man can hold it up, no man can stand it up. What is it?"  
Raven stared at him. "No idea."  
Shaking his head, the man said, "Then I cannot sell you the tea."  
"I'll pay cash."  
"No."  
"Fine." She turned and walked out of the store.  
"Please come again." He called to her retreating back.  
She stepped out the door just in time to be blindsided by a guy running with a rather small VCR. Raven was knocked into the street, tripped over a pylon and fell down an open sewer opening. She cracked her head on the rim and hit the water unconscious.  
  
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Dusk was beginning went Raven finally came to. She was cold, shivering and smelling more than slightly of raw sewage. She was on the edge of a large cesspool, apparently having emerged there from the drainpipe off to the side.  
She pushed herself completely from the water and stood up. As she was trying to find a landmark to get her bearings her eyes fell on something on the ground amidst the garbage. She had an epiphany. Grabbing the object she flew off back towards the old man's shop.  
It took her about fifteen minutes to get back to the shop, it would have taken longer were the lights on. As it was, it was the only building on the block that was lit. Going inside, she slammed the object in her hand onto the counter.  
"Rope," she said, "The answer is rope."  
The man blinked, both at the answer and the fact that there was a very wet, very smelly girl almost daring him to ask why, then called to someone in back, "You hear that Frank?"  
A voice from behind a curtain called back. "Yeah! It works." A pause. "Aw man, there's only a few arrows in this chest."  
The man at the counter shrugged, "Oh well." He pulled a box of Raven's tea from under the counter. "thirteen twenty-six please."  
Raven paid him. She wanted to use the rope and hogtie the man, but she might need to come back here one day. She held her tongue and left.  
  
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"What happened to you!?" Beast Boy greeted her when she entered into the living room.  
They were all sitting around on the crescent shaped couch playing a board game by candle light, or had been until she walked in. They were now all staring at her.  
"I got tea." She said simply, placing the box on the counter.  
"I mean. . ." He tried again, but she cut him off.  
"I. Got. Tea." She said firmly, plugging in the kettle.  
The other titans recoiled from her in fear as she glared at them, then began to wait for the water to boil.  
Cyborg was the first to get the courage to mention it, "Rae? The power's out." He immediately put up his arms to block the object that was surely to hit him. It never came.  
Raven just looked dejectedly at the kettle, then sighed, "I'm going to bed." 


End file.
